Tag Archives: Seminar Haus Impulse

Little by little

9 Nov

Well, it is November 9th already.  Time has slipped away a little bit since I last wrote.  I spent another weekend in Hamburg attending a healing workshop facilitated by my friend Olaf Cobus.  Then made my way back to the world of Wettenbostel.  A distinct contrast between the two.

It was great to be at the healing workshop again…the second in a series of five… nudging myself out of my comfort zone and back into my body.  The theme for the day was perception… at first mistranslated for me as reception… but then easily cleared up!…We spent time and energy exploring how we perceive… in our bodies and other ways.  We did movement work paying special attention to little things that make a difference… like putting out energy in the back of our legs when we walk rather than the front or out hips.  Just that little change in attention made a difference for me in feeling balanced in my body.  And we did rattle work with each other… we picked a partner and one partner would lie down and the other would use a rattle to shift and move energy.  My partner was a woman named Silke.  She is an artist in Hamburg and is receiving some attention for her unique subject… she paints the night…  Her spirit to me seems to have found a place for being at ease with the darkness of the night.  I could feel the energy move and shift through me as she spun around me with her rattle like a bat.

At one point in the day we got in a circle with one person in the middle practicing standing their ground and saying “no”… or “nicht” for the German speakers which was… ya know… everyone but me…  Olaf asked me to go first and my first response was… “no”… not surrendering to my joke he coaxed me into the middle and eventually I found a way to be in my center and say no in a way that was convincing to the group.

At the end of the day we all came together, taking turns with one person in the middle and collectively gave the person in the middle a treatment.  Within the group we had a variety of experience in different healing modalities… Reiki, massage, and other methods of energy work.  One person described the experience of receiving the treatment like many little elf hands coming out of the forest….doing their beautiful work.  It felt so nice to be attended to and cared for in that way… collectively by the many hands of the group.

I found my way to a thrift shop in Hamburg the following day… newly negotiating the bus system in Hamburg like a freshly hatched chick.  A nice man on the bus who did not speak English helped me to find my stop with basic hand signals… a little nodding and coaxing.  I bought a few wool sweaters for the cold coming in and then happily made my way back to the main train station to return to Wettenbostel.

Since the workshop, I noticed in my being and my body little differences and subtleties.  Feeling a little more grounded in my body.  Feeling a little bit more in my personal strength and power.  Noticing places where just a few days ago I would have wanted to react and finding that I just did not have a need or strong tug to go there… so it is the little things.  Little by little.  Bit by bit.

Yesterday I was going to go down the street to the forester’s home to buy some of their honey for myself.  I was a little nervous about going as I did not think they spoke English… and I have a tendency to be nervous and shy.  So I thought I would reach out to my friend Jörn for a some assistance.  And I asked him and his German speaking self to come with me.  And his answer was “no”…and he didn’t even attend the workshop!  He said that he thought it would be good for me to go on my own.  To reach out a little bit.  The little kid in me reacted…but he did not budge and simply went back to work… So I collected myself and went… to buy some honey.. or “honig” in German.  My host had coached me that if nothing else I could arrive at the door saying “honig, bitte” which is “honey, please”… I laughed as the thought.  As I walked down the street I felt ghosts of the shy child I was as a kid… often uncomfortable to go out and reach out on my own.  But I went…. and they spoke a little English.  And they were friendly and kind… and it was all okay.  And I got some honey!

Little by little.  That is my way in this “Grosse Lebenscchule“… “big school of life” here in Germany.  And then of course… what is the next step.  And for this morning, the next step is breakfast.  It is early on Wednesday morning and I don’t yet hear the rattle of life in the Big House where I stay.  A little time to carve out some quiet in the morning before the day begins.  A day of little lessons, gratitude, and staying open to what is next.

Photo from the gardens of Wettenbostel by Michael Hartley

One day at a time

1 Nov

Here I am.  In the now.  In the kitchen in the now.  In Wettenbostel.  I have a little tickle in my stomach as if something exciting is going to happen… like a child waiting for Santa… but what the excitement is… I do not know.  There is a wintry chill in the air which makes me feel a little like Christmas and I am cooking some food for myself which makes me feel homey and content.  I can not believe that I have a little time one my own in the quietness of the kitchen.  Like all of the “little ones” are all snug, tucked in their beds… my hosts down the street at their home and Jörn asleep.

So what to talk about today as I am preparing my meal.  I remind myself of when I was little and would concoct a delicacy from vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup, stirring it and explaining it to… I don’t know… the audience… as if I was Julia Child.  My story to tell.  That is how I feel now.  Cooking my simple meal feeling extravagant about it as if I was a chef.  Brown rice.  Zucchini with some leeks, onions flavored with a little olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, pepper and oregano.  Bon Appetite!

Today I cleaned rooms.  Yes you have heard me say this before…. but sometimes, cleaning rooms can be a  delight… yes and some distraction and time for a break or two… but definitely room for delight.  The beds are covered with big fluffy comforters and pillows.  Preparing the beds, cleaning and tidying up has room for some fun.  Time for warmth as if guests will be arriving soon.  And they will… a new seminar this weekend… in a few days.

Jörn is the most recent addition here at Wettenbostel.  My fellow traveler of sorts, as noted in recent posts.  Living in the town about 30 kilometers away, he arrived here on bicycle intending to begin an extended tour.  In his spirit of go with the flow, what he found instead was a whole world at the Seminar Haus inviting him in for a spell.  So he parked his bicycle and for now… he is here.  Jörn is German, as is not unheard of living here in Germany.  And his German is very good.  His English is… growing.  And in all fairness… my German is… well as Jörn said today “Genau, genau, genau”… that is practically the only word I can regularly recall.  Under most circumstances Jörn and I can communicate fairly well, him bravely speaking and expanding his English and me speaking slowly and finding simple and alternate ways of saying what I am trying to say.  But the other day after working, working working, I went to ask him a question and he ran away from me with the laundry basket on top of his head screaming, “I don’t speak English!”  I guess it was enough.

Returning again to the kitchen, enjoying my lovely meal, still appreciating the tickling coolness of the air… I will see what is next that calls me in the quietness of my evening.  A little painting.  Perhaps some Buddhist chanting. Some writing or reading.  All in this day.  And tomorrow can wait until… well tomorrow!

Photo from the Seminar Haus gardens by Michael Hartley

Power

28 Oct

There is a seminar here this weekend.  The first without my loyal porch companion and American, english speaker, Dan.  Dan has been here assisting at the Seminar Haus for about 5 years.  He is the one I could count on to handle things.  To pull the load.  To empty that last load of the dishwasher at the end of the day when I was… tired and just wanted to…go to bed.  And… he would get up at 7:00 in the morning and make breakfast for the guests while I comfortably slept in… did my morning meditation and yoga.  Alas, it seems those days are gone for now in Wettenbostel.  Perhaps it is time for me to grow and explore more of… my power.

Power is a word that I have shied away from, although I can feel it churning through me wanting to move me from the inside out to a new place in life.  Something in me is hesitant around power or wants to explore and have power in a way that is gentle and will not hurt anyone.  I got a little taste of my power last night while preparing the pumpkin soup for the seminar meal.  We use small whole pumpkins in the soup, known here as kürbis.  I grab a knife and sheepishly approach the subject… like a hesitant biology student approaching my first cadaver.  My host eagerly grabs a larger knife and says with enthusiasm, “no you don’t do it like that… you do it like this… Hi-Ay!”  And proceeds to chop it in half… and almost the table… but not really.  So it was my turn.  A little chop… trying not to hurt anyone… trying to be nice… uh… the knife gets stuck in the corbis about mid way through.  “Come on!,”  he says.  “Get centered… focus on one point” (an aikido term for your center… your power)… and I did and then Hi Ya!  Wow!  All the way through with quite a bit extra to spare!

I went to a healing workshop over the weekend in Hamburg.  It was hosted a by a friend, Olaf along with his colleague Laura.  It was their first workshop together.  The emphasis was on getting into your body. That is getting out of your head… being physically present within your body.  I have found over recent years that being in my head is a way that I avoid pain or uncomfortable emotions…. but it also keeps me disconnecting from life and being present.  The theme for the day was “arriving.” During the day long workshop we practiced simple things… like connecting with a partner and standing and sitting on each others feet… helping us to feel and be grounded.  We walked and danced and moved to music.  And we got in groups and took turns caring for one another with message, touch and energy work.

Later in the workshop we came to a point where we were doing a simple trust exercise.  One person is in the middle, like a pendulum, and they let go as all of us encircled around them gently catch them and nudge them in a new direction where they are caught again.  I was the last one to go.  I stood in the middle a little surprised by my hesitancy.  I was told by Laura, Olaf’s colleague, all you have to do is trust.  I wasn’t so sure that I wanted to do that.  I let go a little and they bobbed me gently from side to side.  And then I landed heavily in the space of Laura, one of the facilitators.  She let me land in her and then… she did not move me to a new direction… but held me in her… and she stayed there… and stayed there… and I stayed there.  I felt my own resistance and my arms and hands felt like led, almost unable to move.  I finally pulled away, and she engaged me straight in the eyes as I felt the pain pull and tug within me… wanting to hide yet also wanting to let go.  With compassion she said I would like to offer you a treatment.  I agreed and she gently led me aside for a private energy treatment.  I laid on the floor and she placed her hands in different positions on my body and with some gentle coaching on her part, something in me started to release.  Surrender. Deeps sobs came of my body from someplace deep within me… someplace that I had been hiding and holding on to for so long.  It really took something for me to allow those sobs to come through and after, I was bare… laying there like an exposed wounded child.

What do I do now? I asked her.  She acknowledged, as I felt, that this was just a crack off of a larger iceberg of pain.  Her advice was breathe… in an out and stay connected to my heart.  And when I needed help, find someone who can help me release what I am holding on to.  And then she invited me to come to their next workshop in a few weeks. Wow.  So many feelings coming up.  So intense. I slowly rejoined the group for the end of the workshop as I was met with kind and loving faces… gentle spirits.

The following day I returned to Wettenbostel a little timid from my experience, but grateful for the company of my host as he picked me up in the cold from the bus station.  It is quite something for me to be with those feelings and experiences inside… and yet another thing to allow others to be with me as I am present to them.  But as I see, this road is essential… almost as if there is no other way but, ya know… through.  As my German bicycling friend Jörn says, it is…the next step.

The following day I felt some of the benefits of the workshops.  As we had done work to reconnect us with our body, I felt like I had new legs.  Literally, as if there were a new pair I was trying on for the day.  And although they were a little stiff, I felt strong and useful in them.

And somewhere in all of that experience there is something  new…a new power.  And power that unfolds through allowing and release.  I had a dream the other night.  There was a chinese woman, with a bit of an attitude but who seemed to have a greater wisdom.  In the dream she told me the experience that I am now having is something new… something new is coming into me, something new is unfolding.  It is not the past, it is not the same.  I told her that I am afraid.  She said  “well…then its going to be hard.”

So with that I return to this day, the now in Wettenbostel.  My gratitude.  My safety within.  The freshness of the sunny autumn day surrounded by friendly seminar guests.  The first hints of a bustle in the kitchen before I help prepare tonight’s meal…tomato soup and salad.  No kürbis to chop tonight.  But perhaps somewhere in the chopping and serving and cleaning, in small and gentle ways I will continue to allow, connect and experience… my power.

Cool autumn night

14 Oct

It is a cool Friday evening in Wettenbostel.  It is after 9pm, that is 21:00 European time.  The bite in the cold air reminds me I am not in New Orleans anymore… but still… being here has its benefits.

The highlight for tonight was catching a good glimpse of the sun setting.  Stripes of purple and gold melting into the evening sky.  And a little good company for the show was appreciated too.  Then, returning to Wettenbostel the nearly full moon was hiding behind a patch of clouds.  All we could see was the glimmer of light giving a hint of  the full story that the moon had to tell.  Then making the way home to the Seminar Haus… meandering in the dark through the potatoes fields… entering through the woods in the back finally giving way to the open space in back by the hot tub.

With  movement and departure surrounding me… Dan my fellow American and porch companion leaving on Sunday for Switzerland and our German traveling bicycling visitor seeking his next destination beyond Wettenbostel, I can feel a little tug of my own wondering if there is any change calling out for me.  My inner voice whispers let go and trust.  And in the quietness of the autumn night it seems quiet possible.  To let go and trust.

For now I will keep things  simple and sweet.  My computer is awaiting a new hard drive and I am typing on a computer in a cold room in the little dojo, a building next door to where I stay.  My comfortable, warm heated room is calling my name.  I must surrender to its call!

Photo of Autumn in Wettenbostel by Michael Hartley

Moon Over Wettenbostel

12 Oct

I took an evening stroll as the sun was setting.  Fall has found its way to Wettenbostel and as I walk there are gaps in the trees where leaves used to be with sparks of color grabbing my attention.  I looked up at the evening sky and was greeted by the full moon resting on a blanket of clouds lazily making their way over Wettenbostel.  I stepped away from the Seminar Haus through the woods to walk the farm roads outlining the fields surrounded by borders of forest.  A clear sky.  A fullness.  A brightness.  Enjoying the still newness and strangeness of being in Germany tucked amongst the potato fields unburdened by its beauty.

The sun was out today.  A welcome break after two days of rain.  Today we leveled the field  covering up the hole where the sewage pipe was installed for one of the buildings.  The excitement of the chore was our host searching for rocks, digging them up like buried treasure.  We then collected them in piles to be hauled away, happily sitting and kneeling in the dirt enjoying the beauty and phenomenon of “work clothes”… meant to be dirty. What a good time I had today… playing in the dirt with the guys, music blasting in the open field.  I cooked a nice little lunch today with fresh beets and leeks from the garden served with other veggies over brown rice.

I am appreciating tonight the warmth of my jacket purchased at a thrift store in the Netherlands along with my comfy scarf gifted to me by the universe… found on the ground in Amsterdam… now laundered and fresh and ready to wear.  Tonight not much remains but the briskness of the night air… and the optional evening hot tub later.    Our “visiting bicycling traveler”, as I call him,  tells me that you can see your future in the moon… as he considers his own journey and next steps.  It is so bright tonight I will have to take a look and see what it has to say for me.  Then a good night sleep in bedroom of many dreams… I wonder what I will dream tonight…

Photo Autumn in Wettenbostel by Michael Hartley

The River

11 Oct

It is rainy today in Wettenbostel.  With the autumn air coming in it’s a little chilly and it is hard to keep dry and cool.  Still there is a quietness in the air today as the guys are spending their time installing a new sewage line.  Some nights spent in the hot tub enjoying the warmth of the water in contrast to the coolness of the air and sometimes the freshness of a light rain, looking up at the stars.

It is nice to feel content for a little bit. The quietness of Wettenbostel and the expansiveness of the land around. With the pouring of the rain and the brisk air my mind today is at ease.  Ah.  Just a little exhale as an easiness creeps into my body… still curious about this European adventure of mine but for today less concerned about it.  Our traveling bicyclist is still here working diligently and Dan has not yet left for his next adventure in Switzerland.  This Saturday is our hosts birthday celebration after which both proclaim that they will move on from Wettenbostel.

Somewhere in the midst of being a little hectic and scattered over the past couple of days I felt something shift within me, my inner voice whispering that I am flowering and going with the flow.  How nice to receive some gentle feedback and how grateful I am to allow gentleness to find its way in.  It`s that river, that current that has its own rhythm flowing within me.  I am beginning to feel its strength that I am part of… connected to.  Its current seems to move swiftly within me while my feet feel firmly planted on the ground.  My dreams have been crazy lately.  I am told by my host that the room I am sleeping in is the dreaming room.  For some reason people say that they dream a lot in that room.

And now it is time to go work.  No guests this week and the house is all clean.  I will likely help out in organizing the barn today in the wake of the good work and organization of our traveling bicyclist.  And I have just been invited to clear the energy of the barn.  Yeah!  Always fun to do!  Until next time… feeling the flow.

Grosse Lebensschule

8 Oct

Grosse Lebenscchule.  In english this means “Big School of Life”… these were the words offered to me today while walking with our bicycling visitor from the near-by town of Lüneburg… who is en route to Italy… temporarily delayed in the enchantment of the Seminar Haus and Wettenbostel.  He said “I think Europe for you is Grosse Lebensschule…”   I said, “I think you are right!”

Lesson 101:  Culinary skills.  It is no secret on this blog that work in the kitchen has been mostly a foreign affair for me.  Right next to learning German is the foreign land of the ins and outs of working and happily preparing, serving, and cleaning up in a kitchen.  This domesticy has leaked into my world… and somewhere in there I think i am beginning to see the lesson.  It lives somewhere in the world of generosity… and not far away from being of service. This week I have prepared a meal for our group every day.  Not a world record I know.  Many moms and grandmas and yes even dads I am sure would leave me in the dust without breaking a sweat.  But for me this is… growth. I am learning little by little good things that can be prepared in simple ways and with the inspiration of my host learning to prepare things a little sharp… that is English-German for a little zest!  a little spice! I prepared some vegetable curry the other day.  Very simply cooked with some cocoanut milk added at the end for flavor.  Served over rice.  Today I cooked a lentil soup.  I was teased a little as the red lentils no longer looked red, but I have to say it was quite good… particularly on this cold unmistakably autumn day.

This week has been a little out of the ordinary here in Wettenbostel.  Dan my loyal American companion on the porch was gone for a few days.  But do not fear, for in his place I was and continue to be surrounded by “the guys”… cast includes: our wonderful host, friend of seminar haus/electrician and “regular”  porch member who lives down the road, and our new bicycling friend.  Alway an interesting energy for me to explore… engage… disengage… laugh… go to my room and hide… do some yoga… hang out in the hot tub, go spend some time reading on my own.  It`s a new rhythm for me as someone who has previously spent so much time on me own.  I call it the Wettenbostel shuffle.

I have learned a little German this week.  English seems to be the unofficial language here at the Seminar Haus.  Most of us speak English… collectively we are American, Canadian and German.  But as our latest arrival is still developing his English… it only seems fair that I learn a little German.  It seems kind of selfish to be in Germany and ask Germans to bend to the whim of my English needs.  And yet my German is limited to phrases like Guten Morgen and while at times there is a certain pleasure of exploring the foreign sounds in my mouth… so far they don´t seem to stick.

This weekend we have a group of five sisters visiting for Bed and Breakfast and other than that just the simple excitement of the mixture of all of our lives and energies at work, rest and play.  My computer has been struggling as of late so this week it received some tender loving care from two of our kind and caring cast members and will soon be getting a new hard drive.  I have had less time to write without a computer but am glad to sneak a little time now on a borrowed laptop.

Surrounding farmers have been harvesting recently as I am surrounded by potato mountains on walks. I am layered up in my strategies for staying warm in Northern Germany for someone who has spent the last twelve years living in the sultry heat of the Louisiana bayous.  Nonetheless, so far so good.  Warm tea helps.  A little heat in my room and on occassion… a nice hot dip in the hot tub.

Genau

3 Oct

It’s Monday morning… or oops, should I say afternoon.  Typically Mondays after a seminar are notably quiet and the stillness of this afternoon, masquerading as morning, is unmistakable.  Dan, my fellow American here and steady porch companion is out-of-town visiting a friend.  My hostess arrived back from a seminar last night and I haven’t heard from either of my hosts today from their home down the street.  There is a friend visiting at Seminar Haus… who has been here before since my time in Germany.  A German man about my age. He arrived a few days ago as the first stop of his bike ride to Italy where he intends to live for about six months.  He came here on Saturday just 30 kilometers away from his original spot. He joked with “the guys” about staying here in Wettenbostel, but writing his blog as if he is traveling and en route to Italy… searching and downloading pictures from the internet as if he has been there.   We will see how the journey progresses.

And for me, right now its nice to have a quiet morning…. I mean afternoon… that’s twice now.  The guests left happy and well fed yesterday afternoon and since we have been mostly relaxing and enjoying the leftovers from the meal.

A small but modest update in the evolution of me, Germany and speaking German… my inner voice now speaks one word of German.  Perhaps you know the voice… the one within that offers clues of what to do, which way to go, what is best… that inner wisdom.  My inner voice now says, “genau” (ga-NOW).  Kind of funny, but there it is.  Genau is the one german word that has eeked into my psyche.  I hear it all the time.  Essentially it means correct, exactly or right on… and there it is hanging out in my inner wisdom… assuring me of proper judgement or good direction.  Genau.

And other than that all is well…  my standard dosage of yoga, Reiki and a little run today and presently a light rain trickling in the garden.  There is a rich quietness but not a loneliness and our bicycling guest is not far away on the Seminar Haus “campus”.  So what’s next you ask?  Some leftovers?  Perhaps a little Reiki with our visiting traveler? Perhaps. We’ll just take it as it goes.  Genau.

Photo by Michael Hartley

Growth

28 Sep

It’s a chilly fall day here in Wettenbostel and I am on my own today for a little bit.  I have felt unusually conspicuous today… secretly wishing there was some place I could hide away… while simultaneously feeling so awkwardly noticeable.   The men around Wettenbostel were busy today doing work on the roof of the Big Dojo, one of the buildings here.  And I hopped across the street to the home of our hosts to do a little work there.  The sky was big and blue today… but mostly I’ve been diverted.  I think it’s growth.

When it comes to growth sometimes you’ve got to shake your finger at it just a little bit… and give it at least a little tease.  Big bad ol’ growth haunting the halls of my being.  I feel like I have been living my life within the confines of a cylinder about 2 feet wide… a space in which I have contorted myself to fit it…. move a little… breathe sometimes… although not much… and something is trying to burst wide open.  That cylinder is perhaps shaped and molded with my ideas of what is right and wrong, good and bad and how I and other should and should not be. It is uncomfortable stay this way at any rate. But here I am… still holding on.  Growth.

Elizabeth, my Reiki teacher, turned me on to a website called flylady.  It’s a beautiful little site put together buy a woman to help people clean and take care of their homes in a way that is loving and supportive of themselves.  Fly stands for “finally loving yourself” and she joking talks about CHAOS… can’t have people over syndrome.  Cute.  At any rate, what I love about her site is she has created baby steps for people who want to take better care of themselves and their home but perhaps are lost in a world of clutter, dirt, disorganization and are overwhelmed.  Baby steps are what she recommends and she outlines I think 30 of them… one to take each day.  No more.  No less.  Simple loving things that can gently be worked into the routine. I think that is what I need today.  A dose of baby steps.  Learning to be gentle with myself and others.

The highlight of the day… a long walk in the woods.  We are surrounded by squares of fields which are lined with wooded roads for loggers and farming equipment.  I ventured into the woods today on a now familiar path.  A much needed and loved venture into the wilderness…if only for a little bit.

I cooked a little dinner for the group tonight and we ate in community… if ever so briefly.  There is something nice about eating some good food and having us all collected together.  If even for moments.  If even mostly what is heard is the sound of chewing and moaning sounds of food being enjoyed.

So growth is the buzzword for the day.  I’ll mix it in with a little compassion, a few baby steps and maybe I’ll have something I can work with.  In the meantime. the quietness of the night has set in.  Tonight I’ll take it light and await the morning  when I’m greeted with the fresh morning light and the Japanese garden outside my window welcoming me to a new day.

Photo by Michael Hartley

In the Silence

24 Sep

There is a silence at the Seminar Haus today.  Not many sounds to be heard except the falling of the acorns from the trees… and Dan, my fellow American visiting here at Seminar Haus, playing the occasional you tube or video on his computer.  Our host is away in France this week teaching a caligraphy seminar to second degree Reiki students.  And with no seminars this weekend in Wettenbostel, the space is a mostly golden… silence.

I have enjoyed the simple things today.  Mostly… being tender to myself.  An omlet for lunch… leeks, peppers and eggs with gouda cheese.  Yum.  And a walk in the golden fields just across the way.  I strolled for a while… then rested and took in the warmth of the ground.  Communed with the rows of fields before me.  I even found a tree stump that had been carved into a little seat.  A great place to rest.  And later a little picnic table and chairs crafted out of neglected pieces of wood.  Ah.  Feels good.

I took a little dip in the hot tub this afternoon.  By myself this time….The heat of the water was intense and shot through me… I could only take it for a minute or two before I jumped out and returned to the refuge of the house.

This morning I found my way down the street to our hosts home for a bit.  I did some work with our hostess and then gratefully received TWO pairs of warm woolen socks… a little preparation for the cool weather creeping in with the fall.  One pair were bright red ski socks.  On my feet right now.  Ah, oh so warm.  The other pair, Angola wool with pretty pink stars on them.  Deeply appreciated and a reflection of the simple ways our hostess cares for us while we’re here.

Dan is on the porch smoking his pipe.  And I am here.  In the building next door called the little dojo.  There is a soft murmur from farming equipment in the background, working the potato fields.  And that is what lingers today… in the silence of Wettenbostel.  A soft, soothing sound.

-Photo by Michael Hartley