Tag Archives: New Orleans

Being in Balance

31 Oct

Balance.  Ah… that elusive pendulum… moving from side to side.  I think at some point, afraid of losing my balance…I just stopped moving at all… tried to stay very still.  Frozen.  This is not a good strategy for balance.  It promotes something that is a little more like… I don’t know… a rock…  Unmoving.   Unmoving rock=no balance.  I don’t recommend it.

So here I am starting to move and sway just a little bit in the locomotion of the balance of me… in Europe… in Wettenbostel.  For me, part of being in balance was just taking the leap and buying a ticket to come here over five months ago.  The beginning of motion…. of moving the rock.   A much-needed shift that was somehow essential for me.  I can remember not too long ago in New Orleans sitting at a Tom McDermott concert in City Park listening to his smooth sounds on the piano partnered with clarinetist Evan Christopher… and although I was enjoying the music… I also felt a creative yearning in me… that was somehow denied.  Not just denied, but that I felt like I had lost access to.  I asked myself, my greater wisdom… I know I am creative, but right now I don’t feel anything like creative.  What can I do to access my creativity again?  The answer I got was… leave the United States.  A little more fertilizer for the seed that was already planted.

I have learned that balance for me starts with simple thing… like getting a good night sleep, walks outside and being connected to nature, doing my regular healing practices like yoga and Reiki.  Drinking plenty of water, not eating sugar and eating healthy and balanced (not always easy for me here at the Seminar Haus!…) And remembering simple things like just listening to music makes me feel great… Some areas of balance for me are still being revealed.  When to go out and play.  Learning to set good boundaries with people.  Connecting to and listening to my heart.  Staying grounded.  Learning to work again… with persistence, fun and quality… and learning when, if no-one else will, to give myself a break.  Ah, there is a way.

My bicycling traveling German friend here in Wettenbostel, Jörn… who for the time being is not traveling and really not bicycling either… but still German, has been a good example for me about work and quality.  Somewhere programmed in his German being he has an immaculate work ethic, working thoroughly and diligently on every last detail.  It is really quite something to see.  Now don’t get me wrong… I have tried to influence him with some of my Big Easy, Laissez les Bon Temps Roulez attitude… but there is a time and place for everything, for all of it.  Balance.

Back in New Orleans, even before Hurricane Katrina… I took some time to make a big change in my life.  A move toward balance.  I took myself off of anti-depressant medication after being on them for ten years.  Paxil.  And in that experience, that rebirthing into me… I found there were many things that were no longer that easy for me anymore.  It was hard to concentrate.  Challenging to work.  Challenging to think clearly.  I got overwhelmed and anxious easily and found people and crowds sometimes too much to take.  I was moody.  Emotionally volitile.  At that time I found comfort in a friends who somehow understood or could relate to the intensity of the experience and transformation… one was a recovering alcoholic who had nearly killed himself drinking and the other had a stroke.  With them I shared an unexpected but shared experience of relearning some basic things and getting a new understanding of who I am and how to function in the world.  One day at a time.  One step at a time.

I had a nice conversation with my host while preparing breakfast for the seminar this weekend.  Some of his past experience includes work as a therapist with amazing experience in the healing and therapeutic worlds.  I shared with him my experience with getting off Paxil.  He acknowledged me for getting off of anti-depressents and shared that, in his opinion anti-depressents can really change the chemical balance of your brain and even damage it.  And while I aspire to create healing and wholeness for myself, I do feel impacted by the experience of being on Paxil.  The painful brain synapses that felt like electrical jolts in my brain while going off the drugs were a small indication of that.

So balance.  And learning, exploring and seeing ways of working and living again.  Trusting spirit.  Living today and letting things unfold.  So for today, after a busy weekend of work, I will relax.  Be in nature.  Maybe paint a little.  Just a day in Wettenbostel.  My life for now in Germany, in the flow.  Seeking balance.

Photo by Michael Hartley

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Cool autumn night

14 Oct

It is a cool Friday evening in Wettenbostel.  It is after 9pm, that is 21:00 European time.  The bite in the cold air reminds me I am not in New Orleans anymore… but still… being here has its benefits.

The highlight for tonight was catching a good glimpse of the sun setting.  Stripes of purple and gold melting into the evening sky.  And a little good company for the show was appreciated too.  Then, returning to Wettenbostel the nearly full moon was hiding behind a patch of clouds.  All we could see was the glimmer of light giving a hint of  the full story that the moon had to tell.  Then making the way home to the Seminar Haus… meandering in the dark through the potatoes fields… entering through the woods in the back finally giving way to the open space in back by the hot tub.

With  movement and departure surrounding me… Dan my fellow American and porch companion leaving on Sunday for Switzerland and our German traveling bicycling visitor seeking his next destination beyond Wettenbostel, I can feel a little tug of my own wondering if there is any change calling out for me.  My inner voice whispers let go and trust.  And in the quietness of the autumn night it seems quiet possible.  To let go and trust.

For now I will keep things  simple and sweet.  My computer is awaiting a new hard drive and I am typing on a computer in a cold room in the little dojo, a building next door to where I stay.  My comfortable, warm heated room is calling my name.  I must surrender to its call!

Photo of Autumn in Wettenbostel by Michael Hartley

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Grosse Lebensschule

8 Oct

Grosse Lebenscchule.  In english this means “Big School of Life”… these were the words offered to me today while walking with our bicycling visitor from the near-by town of Lüneburg… who is en route to Italy… temporarily delayed in the enchantment of the Seminar Haus and Wettenbostel.  He said “I think Europe for you is Grosse Lebensschule…”   I said, “I think you are right!”

Lesson 101:  Culinary skills.  It is no secret on this blog that work in the kitchen has been mostly a foreign affair for me.  Right next to learning German is the foreign land of the ins and outs of working and happily preparing, serving, and cleaning up in a kitchen.  This domesticy has leaked into my world… and somewhere in there I think i am beginning to see the lesson.  It lives somewhere in the world of generosity… and not far away from being of service. This week I have prepared a meal for our group every day.  Not a world record I know.  Many moms and grandmas and yes even dads I am sure would leave me in the dust without breaking a sweat.  But for me this is… growth. I am learning little by little good things that can be prepared in simple ways and with the inspiration of my host learning to prepare things a little sharp… that is English-German for a little zest!  a little spice! I prepared some vegetable curry the other day.  Very simply cooked with some cocoanut milk added at the end for flavor.  Served over rice.  Today I cooked a lentil soup.  I was teased a little as the red lentils no longer looked red, but I have to say it was quite good… particularly on this cold unmistakably autumn day.

This week has been a little out of the ordinary here in Wettenbostel.  Dan my loyal American companion on the porch was gone for a few days.  But do not fear, for in his place I was and continue to be surrounded by “the guys”… cast includes: our wonderful host, friend of seminar haus/electrician and “regular”  porch member who lives down the road, and our new bicycling friend.  Alway an interesting energy for me to explore… engage… disengage… laugh… go to my room and hide… do some yoga… hang out in the hot tub, go spend some time reading on my own.  It`s a new rhythm for me as someone who has previously spent so much time on me own.  I call it the Wettenbostel shuffle.

I have learned a little German this week.  English seems to be the unofficial language here at the Seminar Haus.  Most of us speak English… collectively we are American, Canadian and German.  But as our latest arrival is still developing his English… it only seems fair that I learn a little German.  It seems kind of selfish to be in Germany and ask Germans to bend to the whim of my English needs.  And yet my German is limited to phrases like Guten Morgen and while at times there is a certain pleasure of exploring the foreign sounds in my mouth… so far they don´t seem to stick.

This weekend we have a group of five sisters visiting for Bed and Breakfast and other than that just the simple excitement of the mixture of all of our lives and energies at work, rest and play.  My computer has been struggling as of late so this week it received some tender loving care from two of our kind and caring cast members and will soon be getting a new hard drive.  I have had less time to write without a computer but am glad to sneak a little time now on a borrowed laptop.

Surrounding farmers have been harvesting recently as I am surrounded by potato mountains on walks. I am layered up in my strategies for staying warm in Northern Germany for someone who has spent the last twelve years living in the sultry heat of the Louisiana bayous.  Nonetheless, so far so good.  Warm tea helps.  A little heat in my room and on occassion… a nice hot dip in the hot tub.

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Passage

25 Sep

It is an incredibly beautiful day here today.  Unbelievable.  The light is spreading its warmth among the trees and it actually feels good outside.  No bite of the cool air. The only sound I hear is the occasional roar of a farming truck driving by on an outside road and a background of the birds chirping.

I think I am going to cook a little bit of macrobiotic food tonight.  I experimented with eating macrobiotic for a little bit back in New Orleans.  In its simples form.  What I learned from that time is that there are foods that can ease and soothe the soul and nurture the inner world.  I cleaned out the refrigerator today and have full stock of what is remaining.  We have some good root veggies that would be good in a simple macrobiotic dish called nishime.  Nishime may not be a dish so much as a way of cooking vegetables.  Cooking them slow.  Usually in a big pot with a thick lid.  Root vegetables… some of which were new to me like Daikon… and other good ones like turnips and carrots.  We have some Daikon in the fridge and a bunch of carrots and I think some cabbage and onions.  Which will be good in a little light vegetable stew.  Generally you cook it on top of a piece of seaweed.. which I don’t have… so I am going to give it a go without it.  When it is almost done cooking you can put a little Shoyu on it for some added flavor.  My experience is these vegetables come out tasting tender and the slow nurturing root quality is softening and healing.

I first explored eating macrobiotic for personal wellbeing.  I had some big emotions locked in my body and macrobiotic had some good clues of things that may help loosen things up a big… so they can move.  Tips like cookies, cakes, breads and chips can tighten up and restrict the abdominal area… making it difficult for emotions to express.  Chewing every bite 30 to 40 times is good and grounding. And simple things like this style of vegetable I’m about to prepare.  Good ways to feel fed.

I am going through some sort of letting go process it seems.  Not always clear what it is that I am letting go of… but I am aware that something is passing through me like the closing of the night.  And there is some pain… some struggle and some saddness in letting its darkness move through me to… ultimately a new day.  In the face of this I am feeling a little edgy today in Wettenbostel.  Little things are bothering me and I am feeling particularly sensitive and well, moody.

Patience seems to be the call as I walk through this terrain.  A few days ago I turned to the Tarot deck for a few simple explanations.  A good resource for me after years of reading cards in New Orleans.  Often the cards can show me if nothing else the texture and the landscape of what is happening… when one is looking to see what’s on the inside in places that are not ordinarily seen.  And what came up in both cases was the death card.  Death in the Tarot is not necessarily about someone or me dying in a physical way, but it is a death nonetheless.  A passage of the old.  An ending that feels sad and somewhat tragic…. if for no other reason than because it’s coming to and end.  And after an sometimes difficult period there is… a new dawn.

So that is it for today.  Death, letting go and nishime vegetables.  Quite a combination. Oh, and not to forget cleaning of some of the upstairs windows in the Seminar Haus.  A little satisfaction from streaking them clean… inside and out.  And hanging out in the gentle light of the afternoon sun.

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Being at Home

22 Sep

Nothing is permanent.  That’s what the Buddhists say.  And I am all too often reminded of that… 6 years ago when my apartment and the world I knew were submerged in the waters from Hurricane Katrina…  the somewhat vagabond life that followed… living in Texas… here for a while then there.  And then returning 18 months later to a still unstable New Orleans.  My most recent year in New Orleans, I house sat in other people’s homes… 6 months here… six months there.  And now here I am again, wandering… in Europe this time.  How does a Gypsy begin to be at home?

I started this morning with some of my typical rituals… continuing to build my spiritual backbone… knowing, wanting…and sometimes seeing and experiencing that there is a way and place where I am at home… in spirit.  That is the ground from which I build my foundation. Every day.  This morning I read a passage from A Course in Miracles… reminding me to be open to seeing, experiencing and hearing God in and through all things… that God is an echo beyond what we see and experience.  Oneness. And in that space, home to me sounds and feels a lot like “om“!

It’s quiet today at the Seminar house and it has been good to be able to take my time. Grounding.  I’ve been tending to the basics.  Cleaning this.  Organizing that.  And today, Dan, my fellow American here in Wettenbostel, and I had a big adventure and rode bicycles into the nearby town of Amelinghausen. A neighboring town just 8 kilometers away… it is the closest source for groceries and other basic needs.  Armed with bicycles… that were in need of a little tender loving care… we braved the ride, the two, maybe three hills and safely arrived for a little shopping and a coffee break.  It was my first time “breaking out” of Wettenbostel to Amerlinghausen without the escort of one of our hosts and their vehicle. Being there on the bicycle passing the fields of corn, beets and potatoes just felt good and kind of reminded me who I am.  Nothing exciting or dangerous… but just the pleasure of being on a bicycle… seeing the fields expand and feeling the coolness of the wind.  I had to laugh when on two different occasions I had to swerve my bicycle to avoid hitting a stray potato on the road.  Only in Germany.  Land of the potato. We returned to the Seminar Haus, me feeling victorious at having successfully returned to the mother ship.  My legs were stretched from the exercise and my heart was moving faster.

And now, here I am… back at home.  There is a familiar feeling in spending time at Wettenbostel that gives way sometimes to the peace and ease of home.  But I am aware, in true gypsy form, that my life is still a home in motion.  And I like that.  But in the meantime, I do need to take the time to just be.  Be me.  Ride a bicycle.  Work a little in the garden.  Have some time to relax… work a morning in my pajamas. Watch a movie at night.  It seems with all the chaos not so long ago in my life… that perhaps I was lost.  But every day little by little, in the magic, the ways, the experiences of my life and new adventure…in quiet still ways.. I am found.  I am at home.

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Freeing Myself

21 Sep

Since I have been in Europe, I have found that I rely on Facebook.  Keeping connections with old friends, making connections with new friends while traveling.  And… sometimes…staying grounded with the good words that are shared by friends.  Here are a few that touched me lately…  a woman who was in my sorority in college posted yesterday, simply… “make peace with yourself.”  And today I read from Stephanie Jupiter, a friend from New Orleans and doctor, healer, spiritual leader…”Remember it is absolutely ok to love all People. Loving them does not mean you overlook negative habits, it means you 100% accept them for who and where they are in their journey of life. Keep in mind what you put out is what you get back. Tomorrow is Fully Accept Yourself and Others Day. Embrace it and let me know what you experience. ”  It seems that these message are good keys to unlocking something within myself… and that somewhere… making peace with myself lives in making peace with the world around me… the new adventures of Germany as well as the friends, family and connections of home.

I feel foreign here in Germany.  Not just Germany, but Wettenbostel.  And it’s not a good or bad or right or wrong thing… but somehow… unlimited.  Somewhere in the space of spending time with the folks who live and visit here, cleaning rooms, cooking a little food… and extending myself with new people, new experiences… it seems I am waking up something new in me.  It feels like, I don’t know… plenty.  This is connected to being someplace truly new… where there is a different beat.  Where people don’t always speak my language… and where you can have a conversation about driving to Africa… as it only takes three days.  Two days if you “don’t stop to pee”… as I was told.  Finding and exploring that balance between my time.. walking barefoot around the grounds, feeling myself and the feet connected to the earth… and taking a leap…and spending time with others.. even if it’s a small leap to have a conversation with someone who might seem different or unusual to me or with whom I feel uncertain.

Last night we had a little fun welcoming a visitor and old friend of the Seminar Haus.  In typical Wettenbostel form, he came by to hang out, talk, laugh and drink some beer.  Rather than a hot tub this evening, they opted for a fire.  I joined for a bit… enjoying the warmth of the fire.  We listened to music from mostly European musicians which was a refreshing change from hearing so much American music.  It was great to hear sounds with foreign words with welcoming beats and experience a little bit more of Europe through the expression of music.  And Germans sing and play Reggae… who knew?

Today is a cool day with a light mist creeping through the air.  I took a walk in my bare feet this morning and felt the coolness of the grass tickling my toes.  It seems that something new is coming.  I can’t say what it is… but there is something stirring… somewhere in the simple rhythm of being in Wettenbostel.  The walking on the land, the beating of the drum, the being in the day.  Simple pleasures… and new rhythms.

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Gypsy of the Soul

5 Sep

It is a rainy Monday morning here in Alkmaar.  I am reminded it is the beginning of the work week as Marijke is off at her job. The weekend was filled with an out-of-town adventure… as well as some soul-searching…as I am leaving the Netherlands this week.  There was a balance of enjoying time in the Netherlands, in the now, and exploring the inquiry of what is next on the journey.

Saturday was a trip down memory lane for Marijke as we visited the town where she attended college, Nijmegen. A jewel of a town just kilometers from the German border, it is rich with history as well as culturally and architecturally stunning and fulfilling. Around 2000 years old, Nijmegen has architectural remains and artifacts dating back to Roman times.  But it strikes a balance of feeling rich and rooted in history and alive and vibrant in the now.  As we arrived crossing the River Waal, I learned from Marijke that during WWI, the Germans tried to invade at that river crossing the bridge.  The Dutch met the Germans midway and ultimately stopped them from invading any further.

I had a few hours to explore on my own while Marijke attended to her own plans, and the town invited me in.  I wandered the river until I found a cobblestone road, pulling me uphill to the center of town. I was greeted by a Saturday outdoor market as well as the sounds of drums filling the street as there was a Samba and Salsa festival that weekend.  I went where my feet took me… and found a fabulous Thrift Store!  And later to the park near the old water tower with locals speckled throughout the green lawn enjoying the beautiful summer day.   I sat in the sun and drank in the park, the grounded earthy feeling of its history and strength as well as its creative spirit.

Later that day I met with Marijke and her nephew and his girlfriend.  They live in the heart of Nijmegen and were proud to share their historical but independently spirited town.  With a university just outside of the center of town, it is brimming with liveliness.  We dined together at an Italian restaurant that had been there since the 1940s and then an evening stroll through the city and… more Samba and Salsa drifting into the night air.  We returned late and tired… ready for a good night sleep.

And Sunday… time for self. And a little reflection.  There is one thing I am coming to see…in this gypsy life of mine… Being a gypsy is not just about meandering, just wandering from one place to the next.  Seeing where the next opportunity lies.  It is also about learning, exploring and beginning to be a gypsy to my own soul.  Wandering in unknown territories.  Being open to explore something new within me.  Listening to the cry or even the whimper of my own being and what it needs… and in gypsy spirit… being willing to go there and explore.  Sometimes those places may look interesting and sexy.  Sometimes they may not.

Just days before leaving Marijke’s home in Alkmaar  I find myself feeling somewhat like the the illustration of the children in the poem Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein.   In the image children are on the edge of a sidewalk floating in the sky… with a sign “the Edge” as the sidewalk crumbles off into nothingness.

I have been listening to those around me… and feeling the wandering and listlessness inside of me… I keep hearing from people around me words like intention and direction and questions like “what do you want?”… and still further  “it feels like you have no direction.” And wondering, curious where all of this fits in the world of flexibility, going with the flow and allowing things to unfold.  Looking for what it is that will ground me and seeking, exploring how to pay attention and see what it is I need and want… This passage seems to call for intimacy…. and not just an intimacy with others but an intimacy with the self.  Or at least a first date. A little coffee, willingness to say hello, spend some time and at least take a risk to offer something new, fresh, that is wanting to be nourished.

My time in the Netherlands has offered this to me… in has shown me what in my life needs attention. Like baby birds, beak open, screaming to be fed… and that being said, paying attention to where the hunger is… not just the need… but the desire and interest. I remember one time when reading The Artists Way by Julia Cameron, she offered a possible way as a roadmap to our inner artists…. notice the things that make you jealous.  This jealousy she says is something within you saying… I want that!  I want to play and to consider that aspect of self has somehow been… denied!  And explore even little ways to begin to offer yourself a piece of THAT!

There is still some time to be enjoyed here, rain allowing.  One more bicycle ride down the canal lined streets.  One more pass past the fields of cows and sheep.  And tonight… drum lessons!  Marijke is attending a class to learn jimbay and I will join her.  Yipee!  And later this week, we shall see…

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Freedom

31 Aug

Freedom. Ah, perhaps one of the most questioned topics….  Janis Joplin, spiritual texts.  But what is freedom… really?  I suppose it just depends on who you ask…

I have been in the Netherlands now for about two weeks, and I have to say it has grown on me.  It has a sweet and simple essence to it and it is a pleasure to be surrounded by bicycles, canals, cows, sheep and of course windmills as part of the daily landscape on any average day.  Time here the past few days has resumed a moderate pace.  Marijke returning to work.  Me mostly staying by the house except for a walk here, a bicycle ride there.

A few nights ago Marijke invited two friends over for a Reiki exchanged.  I witnessed the rhythm of the evening as it was explained to me before hand…  Coffee, tea and something to eat… (strawberry pie for the non-sugar eaters… everyone but me…), then upstairs for Reiki share (for non-Reiki people, simply this includes gathering around a Reiki/massage table and taking turns giving and receiving Reiki…), and then return downstairs for more socializing and more to drink… some wine perhaps… and more snacks too.  A different beat from our Reiki shares in the States, less formal… and generally no tea and snacks served…

Her guests and friends for Reiki were a friendly married couple and it was a fun “dutch” experience for me.  They mostly indulged my need to speak English and we talked and shared and laughed about what was true in the States, what is true in the Netherlands and in Europe.  Marijke almost fell off her chair laughing when she heard it was not uncommon in the States to sing the National Anthem at “important” events.  This just doesn’t compute to her dutch mind… it is even a little ridiculous…  And flag bearing and waving, well perhaps just a little less regarded here in Holland.  They do, they said, when they remember, fly the Dutch flag on the Queens birthday.  That’s sweet.

Nationalism, the topic turned, has a bit of a different flair here in Europe as well.  According to my intimate conversation with a select three Europeans, there is still a significant degree of sensitivity to ideas like nationalism since the impact of the Second World War.  It is fine to love one’s country… but perhaps there is a fear, a concern of taking that too far… An example was offered of being in Ireland where an Irish man started singing his national anthem with pride.  There was also a fellow there from Germany and when he was invited to sing his anthem, “Germany above all… above all in the world…” there was hesitation… even perhaps, disgrace.  It certainly puts a different context on history to be in the countries where the atrocities of WWII happened… something that over in the states we are mostly isolated from…

But alas, Europe and the States are not all that far apart in some ways.  American culture has leaked into European culture and you see it everywhere.  Sometimes with a chuckle.  And at times, a little disturbing… Just today I was walking around the nearby shopping area and heard Lionel Ritchie “Say you, Say me” being piped in through the overhead music.  And the neighbors have a dog named Neil… named after Neil Diamond.

As the pace here gets slower and Marijke’s work schedule gets busier… it seems it will shortly be time to leave the Netherlands.  Or at the very least depart from the generosity and comfort of Marijke’s home.  We discussed this briefly today.  It will soon be time to go.  And the idea of being some place else, some place new brought to me… well, excitement.  Cool… something new… what’s next?  Could this feeling be something like… Freedom?…

Ah, it’s the adventurer in me that often excited by the spirit of something new.  But I have to admit I am not always smooth in this transition.  I can recall times in the past when something has come to a close… being delighted by the feeling of the possibility of what is next… something new… and then stricken with anxiety wandering through the uncertainty of it.  Well, it’s a way perhaps… a way to waddle from point A to point B… meandering through the uncertainty.  But perhaps this time will be different… a gentle shift from what is now to what is next.  A new country perhaps?

Which brings us to the original theme when I first arrived here in the Netherlands to stay in Marijke’s home… that is “go where you want to go, do what you want to do… we are loving you!”  Freedom.

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Needing to be

29 Aug

I am sure many of you are familiar with the book and now movie Eat, Pray, Love.  In the real-life story a 30 something woman finds herself in transition… unglued, unlocked… and makes a choice to spend a year traveling.  3 months in Italy… Eat.  3 months in an ashram in India… Pray.  And 3 months in Bali… ultimately love.  Before I made the choice to embark on my journey in Europe, I remember an experience I had.  It was in the bathroom of the mostly empty home where I was house sitting in a suburb of New Orleans called Metairie.  In full transition form, I was living there lightly.  The house was empty and for sale. I had set up an inflatable mattress in the bedroom.  My friend and Reiki teacher, Elizabeth Ohmer Pellegrin, who was sharing the space for her Reiki practice had thankfully set up a futon and coffee table in the main room.  Ah, a little comfort of home in the sparseness of it all.  Things were coming to a close at the house and a transition ensued in my world.  The house was under contract, all of my personal belongings fit into a storage unit the size of a closet, and my 1996 Ford Taurus, which had given me 5 good years, was about to collapse.  What am I going to do?  I looked in the mirror in the bathroom… and what I heard was… Eat, Pray, Love…. I smiled a little to myself… taking some comfort in the possibility of a journey.  And that I might deserve to have such an adventure.  I was in need of one.

But where, for now, Ms. Gilbert and I depart ways was she had a plan… a framework for her journey… and at least,I think, an advance on the book she was writing.  And so it seemed, as I canceled my return flight to the states in June and rescheduled it for May of 2012… I was excited but also in a state of the unknown.  Unknown of where I would go and what I would do and unknown how I would finance my adventure…  Now I have some practice and power with this state of being living the mischievous life that I have led in New Orleans… and then of course post-Katrina.  A friend once told me that I am like a cat… I always land on my feet.  But jumping and leaping all of the time can get… exhausting.  It’s that word again… balance.  It seems, here in my state of flux I am craving it.

So I had a little walk today with Marijke, my friend and host in the Netherlands and she asked me… what is your wish?  What is you wish for your time in Europe?  And in a way, the conversation was a surprise for me.  I suppose I was thinking that in going with the flow I would have to surrender to the will of the way…  and in the way, no one asked me about my wish. That somehow I did not have a choice.   Hmmm, interesting question, I thought…  I have to admit, a few weeks into my visit in the Netherlands… I have a lack of focus and what seems to be a handful of possiblibilities for “what’s next” depending on this, depending on that… My “dependence on” has me hypnotized by my need… and less in the here and now.  But she offered, I could consider my wish… and have that as my intention.  For example, she offered, Ms. Gilbert and Eat, Pray, Love… the book that she happens to be currently reading… started out with an intention… of where she would be for each period of her journey.  She offered that as something to consider.  What is my intention?  What would I like this year to look like… with off course leaving room for flexibility and shifting and unexpected opportunities.  But a nice idea nonetheless!

And somewhere in this I find that I need room to be… where I am… and the idea of immediately moving here, then moving there… no maybe there… is a little unnerving.  What would I like?

I don’t know the answer to that question yet.  But I will spend some time chanting about it and sending Reiki.  How does one walk that path… of going with the flow, listening to and being guided by a higher wisdom… but still feeling and staying grounded along the way and being connected to our own wants and desires.  Hmmm… I have explored this road before.  But now, in Europe, in Alkmaar, the volume seems to be turned up a little higher.  It’s so nice to have someone who is kind enough to ask the questions… on a lovely stroll through the maze of paths near her home.

Tonight, friends of Marijke’s are coming to her home to join us for a little socializing and some Reiki.  And for me… it’s hard to just be with all these questions running through my head!  Alas, maybe I’ll start with exploring and asking… what do I want… what is my wish?  And explore the spirit of the intent for my journey.

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Abundant

11 Aug

Well, my world has shifted a little bit.  Just a car ride away (about 6 hours) from the small but big world of Wettenboste,  Germany, I have now arrived at the home of Reiki Master Marijke Lemmen in Alkmarr, a city in the Netherlands.  A new language, new people, and I had to cross a very large dike to get here….  So here is my new and exciting information I have gained about the Netherlands that I will now share with you….

The Netherlands as we all know is also called Holland… so what is the difference?  Why do some people call it Holland and some people call it the Netherlands… I didn’t know….  Well, what I learned is that technically the country’s name is the Netherlands and a large and important region within the Netherlands is known as Holland… So, somehow, some way of which I am not totally clear… the country also became referred to as Holland.  So, next … that big dike we drove on to get here… it is called the Afsluidijk and it is 32 kilometers long (that’s 20 miles…)  For those of you from New Orleans to appreciate – it is not quite as long as the the causeway (23.83 miles) which crosses Lake Ponchartrain and incidentally holds the Guininess Book for World Records for longest bridge in the world over continuous water… but it is long nonetheless.  While driving on Afsluidijk the north sea is on one side…to the north… and on the other side is an lake created by the dike called Ijsselmeer, translated as lake Ijssel.

Before the construction of the Afsluidijk and other dikes, the Netherlands was a smaller country.  It is the intricate dike system that gave it access to new land that without the dikes is submerged in water.  Again, New Orleans people will appreciate this as New Orleans itself is below sea level.  The bonus of the Netherlands, though, is it has no hurricanes…. although it too has it’s history with storms and flooding.  They have a Monarchy which is mostly not involved in the politics of this Democracy.  And there is a strong social infrastructure here that supports people and families with good medical care and financial and housing support if they are out of work.  However, about 40% of their paycheck goes to the government to support this system… Yikes! It is one of the most densely populated countries on earth… which does not surprise me from the  small glimpse of it I have seen,  streets populated with rows of townhouse like homes and apartment buildings.

The temperature is cool here today and I am beginning to accept that I need to throw my ideas of what summer is like out the door.  I am wearing long pants and a fleece jacket with a raincoat when outside.  It is overcast and the wind here has a bite.  Yes this is a windy little country with gusts that will come up from behind and grab ya – kind of like the the windy little town where my mom and dad now live…Belton, Missouri of all places!  Marijke’s community of Alkmaar is on the Northwestern side of the country not far from Amsterdam.  It’s population of about 100,000 people is a world away from Wettenbostels population of, I think 58… that’s 57 now that my host’s daughter has moved…  Alkmaar has that European sensibility for bicycle riding with easy bicycle paths lining many roadways.

As I am settling in to spend a little time here, I am often overwhelmed by people’s generosity and Marijke’s generosity specifically to invite me here as a guest in her home.  As I explore my way in her home the theme here seems to reflect a song we sang as people were leaving Friends and Reiki last weekend in Wettenbostel… it went like this… “rainbow (insert name, like… Teresa)… rain bow (insert name)… go where you want to go, do what you want to do… we are loving you…” So I am here honored to be a guest and exploring what it is like to be in the space of someone saying – go where you want to go, do what you want to do… and in that space, also honor, respect and contribute to them…

And all of this is… well, abundant.  Especially the groceries we picked up today!  It has become clear to me just how much I love good, simple food and how it is a way that I really feel cared for and nurtured.  It has been fun living in Wettenbostel and getting more comfortable preparing food and doing that in community with others.

So, wow, I am in the Netherlands!  The wind is blowing!  And I am exploring “go where I a want to go… do what I want to do…”

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