enough

Tag Archives: enough

I have been at my latest housesit for a little over a month right now. And as the time has passed I am noticing a theme emerge… it is…enough.

When I was in the midwest visiting with my mom, I was keeping my eye out for the next thing. A few things came and went that didn’t seem like quite the right fit. When the opportunity came to come to Austin for this long-term sit, I was excited by the possibility but wasn’t 100% sure if it would be a great fit for me. I checked in with my long-time mentor and Reiki teacher, Elizabeth Pellegrin. She has been a great guide for connecting me with and trusting my own intuition as well as providing rich insights of her own. So when she checked in intuitively, the advice she gave me about this new opportunity was that it wasn’t “perfect” or even “ideal” but that it would be enough.

Enough seemed good enough for me and so I happily accepted the offer and made my way down to Austin. In the first few days of being here I ran into a few unexpected things in the house that I just didn’t like. In earnest I felt that possibly they were unworkable. And I thought “this is enough?” because in that moment, it sure didn’t seem like enough to me! I wrestled with myself, with the situation, felt frustrated and angry. But I also looked for solutions to the problem at hand, received a few helpful tips from Elizabeth, and tried a few things of my own.

I kept going with it in part because there were so many things I liked about this housesit and were really very workable! Now here I am a few weeks later and for now the obstacle, the unwanted circumstance is much improved. And resolved in a way that I am okay with. In retrospect I think, wow, I sure am glad I didn’t give up and worked through that obstacle because now I get to enjoy all of the reasons I came and the things I liked about the sit to begin with. And I thought, it really is enough! And yes I did have to overcome an obstacle to get here, but it was worth it!

And so now I am on the threshold of another little new beginning and once again that question was asked of me, is it enough? And I have considered… there seems to be a theme here.

I had a bit of a breakthrough as I was washing my hair, as sometimes happens, that all of this not enoughness, all of this moving into new life circustmances that are good in many ways but fallable in some ways, is not just my rich lesson in what is enough… it is also my rich lesson that… I am enough.

In many ways these past few years during quarantine I think I was in a long incubation phase…being with, experiencing, being alarmed at times and alchemizing so much of my inner world and now I am just beginning to emerge out. In recent years I think I have grown in experiencing and sharing the shiny things in my world and my life – the things I delight in and want all to see. But what lingered was… the other stuff. The parts that felt broken, unlovable, embarassing and all. And I didn’t yet know how to emerge forward in the midst of all of that… the good and the … ya know, less mentionable stuff.

And I think this moving through enoughness is a great step on this wobbly road I am on, that is not always “perfect” or in the way I wish or want. It breaks me open so that things can crumble, so that all can be exposed and I can work with what remains.

What remains for me is… enough… and beginning to explore working with the circumstances in my life, warts and all, moving through and being with the challenging and also appreciating the unmistakable good and benefits. In doing this, ultimately I am creating a similar space for myself to move forward in life…being enough. Not perfect. Not ideal. Some real unexpected challenges and things I’d rather not deal with… but still… enough.

And so that’s where I am for today as I prepare to take a new little step on this quiet Memorial Day. Basking in the nervousness, the brokenness and the allness of being in the wake, in the dust of… I am not perfect but I am…enough.