Embracing Uncertainty

16 May

It’s been a month since I last wrote.  This time of transition has seen its share of quiet, uneventful days… some spent in grateful relaxation, others spent a little ill at ease wondering “what is next” for me.  As me and my life move through this shift that I imagine is… a bit of an end of an era… I am sure my blog too will change and adjust to reflect the landscape of my life and what’s at hand.

I am in bed working on my laptop.  It’s a quiet, rainy Monday morning.  You might laugh if you caught a look at me, draped up like it’s winter in the moderately cool late spring weather.  For me these 50 something days feel a bit like… winter… as indeed they were considered quite cold in Thailand in relationship to the plethora of days shooting past 100.

I am grateful to be home… and also antsy and edgy and some days not quite sure what to do with myself.  But sometimes transition can be that way.  What is different about this “time between” for me is it’s the first time I don’t have an itch to head back out on a new international adventure just yet and it’s also the first time, while I have ideas and options of what I might do short and longer term, I don’t have a real plan just yet.

And then… for those interested or even mildly curious… there is astrology.  We are currently coming out of a period where five planets were in retrograde… an intense time that hasn’t happened in ten years… and still now there are four planets in retrograde.  The long and short of this is, it’s not a great time to move forward with things and doing so might leave one feeling like all you are accomplishing is banging your head against the wall.  It is however a good time for reflection and consideration for changes ahead.

I received some beautiful advice from my appreciated mentor and Reiki teacher… she shared a quote that said, “Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty.  Enjoy the beauty of becoming.  When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”  And so, here I am wading around in that a bit… at times embracing, other time dodging the uncertainty.

Life remains unmistakably simple.  At times this is an appreciated respite after many years of busyness and personal stretching way beyond boundaries and comfort levels.  After such an intense period of growth in my life, I have to admit that it’s kind of nice to have a chunk of time with few expectations or commitments.  And that said, there is an itch for things to be different and for some simple, fresh change to softly enter my world.

But for now I am here and grateful for many things!  It’s so great to bask a little bit in moderate spring temperatures in the mid-western land of big expansive blue skies.  I have been a regular walker and some days the weather is so fresh and inviting I could practically take a bite of it.  I am also grateful for my mom and her little dog “GG” who have been my faithful companions over these recent weeks of reentering familiar/unfamiliar territory.

I am grateful for the local SGI group here in the area.  SGI is an international Buddhist organization that I participate in and time and time again provides a refuge of friendship, support and personal and spiritual development around the globe…. even here in my mom’s small mid-western town.  What a treat it is to be greeted by friendly, supportive faces with opportunities to study, grow and be reminded of the opportunities and possibilities in life on a weekly basis.

The wind is whirring outside today, not an unfamiliar sound in this unusually windy slice of the flat midwestern landscape. The rain and grey skies are lulling me to surrender to a lazy day ahead.  My mom’s dog is resting heavily at my feet with not much ambition to offer herself.

So for now, here I am restful and restless in this time of change.  Explorations and preparations at hand, but the calling still seems to be plenty of walks under the big blue midwestern sky and …embracing the uncertainty.

Featured photo:  Big blue skies in my mom’s midwestern USA neighborhood.

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