Coming out of the dark

4 Jan

New Years greetings from Wettenbostel.  I am hibernating alone tonight in the Seminar Haus.  An evening of  shameless treats – watching the movie 27 Dresses on my laptop and eating popcorn in bed. So far it has been a good year.  Some time to spend with friends.  And now the celebration and the people have left.  All of it a gift to me.  With the Seminar Haus mostly to myself again, I have some time to simmer in the possibility of the new year.

As we often do with New Years, I find myself making shifts and new decisions within and about myself.  New thoughts and fresh ideas for my European escapade.  I am grateful to have time to explore these ideas nestled within the mothering borders of the Seminar Haus.  Deep in the stillness of winter… well sort of winter, the weather being unseasonably warm.  I continue my work here in Wettenbostel… which is at least in part preparing the house and the space for seminar guests visiting this weekend.

And my other work here in Wettenbostel… well it continues to be things that look like growth. Feeling good about myself and seeing, little by little, day by day… who I am, what I want, what moves me.  As we roll into this New Year, I intend to shift the focus of my blog and my writing… just a little.  I will still write about the adventures of my experience wherever I may be, but I am also going to write more about my journey of well-being and spirit, both past and present.

I am writing to support myself and others who may have struggled with being on antidepressants, life without them or the difficulty in getting off of them.   And the challenges and gifts of living life and exploring the underlying trauma that sent me to antidepressants in the first place.  Like putting together pieces of a puzzle… the questions of  “why do I feel this way?  I just don’t get it…”

So this journey of life in Europe continues to be… growth.  That is the best way to put it.  Not always easy. But there are many wonderful experiences every single day that I am deeply grateful for.  Living life in Wettenbostel being surrounded by potato fields and waking up to Michael’s gardens.  New and flavorful people in my life… people who are light and bright spirits that help me see myself and the world differently.  The joy of learning to communicate and being with people who speak another language and the discovery in that.  New tastes. New sounds. New skills.  And possibilities available to me that truly delight and inspire me.

So Happy New Year!  Raise a glass and have a toast!  As I have learned here in Germany, it is important that you look your “toastee” in the eye when toasting or else, it is said, you will have seven years of bad sex…. that is what they tell me.  New Years for me, well it was rung in from the infamous outdoor hot tub of Wettenbostel with the glimmering of neighborhood fireworks exploding in the stillness of the cold night sky.  New Year’s set in the intimate darkness of Wettenbostel… welcoming in the brightness of the New Year.

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