Yes, technically, I am living in Alkmaar, Netherlands. I don’t mean to confuse you. But sometimes it feels like I am… living in stress. What is stress actually? Technically? I am sure someone, somewhere out there who is reading this knows for sure. Stress. It seems that I am encountering it… have encountered it…. in the midst of my leisurely stroll throughout Europe. What to do? Who to be? How to make a living… I am not trying to be stressed about it… but alas it seems it is there nonetheless.
In truth it feels like something in me is about to bust loose… and something else in me is holding on tight for dear life… trying to hold back the reigns… gripping dearly. Keeping those big ol’ wings from busting out… anyway, I digress…But this feels like…. stress. It reminds me of a little song my friend and host in Wettenbostel, Germany sang to me onetime after Reiki… she sang, “Hold on tightly, let go lightly…”. It was sweet and simple and made me laugh. And it actually seems like practical advice.
A friend of mine the other day wrote to me that I had some wild oats to sow… while I am here in Europe… At first the thought of this sounded exhausting. Oh no, I thought… didn’t I sow my wild oats in my 30s?… I quit my full time job, I worked at a youth hostel… I flew to California to meet up with an Australian driving a car he called… well, nevermind… but didn’t I do that already? And I’m 40… haven’t people already sowed their oats by the time they are 40? I thought perhaps this next phase of my life might look more like… I don’t know… Mother Teresa or something….
But then something happened. I noticed it during yoga. I was laying down in shavasana and I felt a little something in me… it was like the essence of.. the spirit of… someone I know who I would say “sows her wild oats”…I won’t mention any names… and that essence, that spirit… was in me…. Yes I noticed a little hint of wild expression… joie de vivre…in me… ready to play. I wasn’t sure what to do with this. I felt a little parental with it, thinking, oh now… can’t we just… I don’t know… keep that under control somehow…
So as for sowing wild oats, we will see… what happens… what emerges. Yes that’s the way.. blossom, flower, go with the flow… Sowing wild oats is not necessarily something one can program or plan… let’s see, this Friday I will meet up with my friend Thomas for lunch and after lunch I will… SOW MY WILD OATS!!!… no it doesn’t work that way. And honestly, I can’t say that I know what it would look like at this point in my life. I don’t really drink. Drugs are mostly a bore. I’ve been doing yoga, meditating and reading healing spiritual books… practically nonstop…for the last 7 years… Golly gee, is it possible it’s time for something different? Or at least a little shift… maybe moving towards some… I don’t know… balance?
But for tonight… no wild oats to be sewn just yet. Whew… Sometimes I feel a little bit like the nerdy kid in the movie 16 candles… the one who is begging his parents to let him be home with them as they drag him off to the dance. “No, he says! I want to be home with you!…” The little child within me, wanting to stay home, tucked in safe and sound.
And as for stress and living and well all of that… it’s okay. Because it too will plays its game. It’s tug of war with its way. And I will…. well hold on tightly… let go lightly and MAYBE…eventually… let loose and have some fun!
Gypsy Woman 
Balance.
That word resornate in my body.
Being a ‘spiritual-human-being’ and also an ‘earth-human-being’.
Time for being inside and outside.
Time for being on the road and being at home.
Love,
Marijke